G.I Joe Rise of the Cobra Review
What else do you want?

Let me start off with warning to all the haters who want to find something wrong with GI Joe :Rise of the Cobra. You will find more ammo to hate this film than you will need. But let me say this. This is a film by a director who is known for tongue in cheek action. This is a film based on the Hasbro toyline and cartoons. This is a film meant for summer release and to woo your children to it. You should understand this before you enter the film. So stop your hating and leave your brain at the door because honestly this is one of the most fun films I have seen this year. 


The movie does not stop ,ever . I know you hear that line everywhere but here it is so true that it almost hurts the film, but luckily it doesn’t. This was made for you to enjoy and I think if you let go of your bias, you will. Do you remember all the action films you watched as a kid , all the best sequences that got you running around the house breaking stuff. Well this movie has all that. It is like it was made by a ten year old kid who has had way too much red drink and maybe snorted a line of sherbet as well.

Sommers has put together a cast and plot line that whips at your senses more than your intellect. Obviously there are wide canyon like cracks but you really don’t seem to care as your watching. Most of us know G.I Joe but let me run down the story. GiJoe are the good guys and they fight the Cobra who are the bad guys who want to conquer the world. That is all you need to know. 


There are flashbacks and some character building but this is not the type of film that this is important. What you want to see is fit bodies in tight costumes and action scenes that blow your mind and G.Ioe delivers on this three fold.

Remember the scene in Moonraker where they have a fight out in space. You thought to yourself this is a bit out there. But you loved it anyway. Well G.I Joe takes you to space, the desert , the ice and of course ,Paris. It really makes no effort to be more than it is and that’s why I loved it. The dialogue is hugely corny and could hurt your ears in some circumstances but here it just fits. To compare this film to anything you would have to say Homer Simpson. It’s clumsy , loud and says the wrong thing but you can’t help but be charmed by it.


Now let’s get to the cast…It has Rising star Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans and Old Dennis Quaid to add weight. They are beautiful and athletic and you couldn’t ask more of them. They all look like they are having fun and know exactly where they are. From the workout scenes (guys pumping iron whilst the ladies are on the treadmills-lovely) to the fisticuffs you will love how they look for any reason to BUFF it up.

And you know what??? It has ninjas. Ninjas. They fight . They have a mysterious backgrounds and they cut each other up. By up all your stock in ninjas now people because with this and Ninja Assassin, the Ninja is making a huge comeback.


The only real thing hurt the experience was the inconsistency of the special effects. Hopefully some of it wasn’t finished because it was just on the side of bearable in some scenes yet oddly spectacular in others. But that is Sommers for you. Also expect to see Sommers familiars in this film as cameos and others.

So let me break it down in summary for you. This is a damn exciting movie that will get your blood running and have you thrilled from beginning to end. The action is literally non stop and the plot is just a flimsy excuse for more action. But what you should love is that Stephen Sommers has made a movie for the gung ho kid in you. Remember him, the one that would find sticks that looked like guns , the one that thought up all these ridiculous battle scenes with your friends. Not because it was logical or fitting with a story but because it was FUN. Isn’t that the whole reason we go to movies after all? Go see it !!


Posted by Prester John - 8/6/2009 8:56:41 AM


Cool - I am actually looking forward to watching it!! Have you guys seen Bandslam or the trailer for Bandslam - Geoff has put on weight, lost 10yrs and is starring as Bug :) Haha
By saltypopcorn       
It's like me and Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords had a love child. I'll name him Charlie... Charlie Saxton. The funniest thing I've seen all day.
By biggeoff       
that is one of the funniest things i have seen in so long. Thanks JK
By Prester John